


Not Alone

by kitsunesocks



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, But mostly fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Bond Shenanigans (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Ghost Ben Solo, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), I Will Go Down With This Ship, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Jedi Rey (Star Wars), Jedi Training (Star Wars), Lightsabers (Star Wars), Making Out, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey & Rose Tico Friendship, Secret Relationship, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Skywalker Family Drama (Star Wars), The First Order, The Force, more like a half-baked FG, relationship with your dead dyad partner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:46:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29303691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitsunesocks/pseuds/kitsunesocks
Summary: Reylo post-canon fic. Set a month after the events of TROS, Rey is pulled into another adventure to rebuild after the war, despite the fact that she's still picking up the pieces as she grieves her fallen dyad partner, Ben Solo. But fate isn't quite done connecting the star-crossed Force users...**UPDATE - temporarily on hiatus**She didn’t know how she could ever explain the strange relationship they’d had, the connection they shared, without sounding crazy or under his influence. She wished she could explain it all to them, and maybe one day she would. She wondered if anyone would be able to understand what it felt like to feel your equal in the Force disappear from beneath you like a fleeting shadow, to be a starved half of a whole left in a world that would sooner burn Ben’s name from the books than celebrate the person he could have become. She could still recall the warmth of his lips against hers, the eye of the storm in the midst of a hurricane. Their paths had twisted together only to be pulled apart too soon, and now she was left to pick up the pieces, to rebuild, alone.Her eyes snapped open at the sound, clear as crystal as it echoed through her mind.“But you’re not alone.”
Relationships: Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Not Alone

It was a beautiful binary sunset. The sand danced against her skin on the breeze of the warm desert wind and, somehow, it all felt strangely familiar. Even though she’d only been on Tattooine for a short while, she knew as Luke and Leia’s silhouettes had disappeared into the distance that night that this was where she belonged. This could be a new home.

BB8 followed less than enthusiastically behind her through the sand dunes, tired from their tour of Luke's old homestead, and the droid beeped impatiently as she opened the creaky door to the small hut they’d found abandoned near the Falcon. It was derelict, the dirt floor and loose panels a clear indicator to most people to keep looking, but to Rey, it was exactly what the doctor had ordered. Something simple, humble, where she could finally find some peace and quiet in the aftermath of the war.

The droid bumped up against the door to shut it behind them, and Rey gave him a pat as she turned the lock. It was mostly ornamental on a door as flimsy as this one, but it still felt like the proper thing to do. Eager to start her evening routine and wind down for the day, she bent down and lifted the dusty rug beneath her feet, exposing the simple trap door she’d installed when she’d found the place. With a twist of the Force the hatch popped open, exposing the Jedi texts she’d stowed within it. She briefly rifled through the stack, deciding on one she hadn’t read in a while. It still required some deciphering, but that was half the fun.

As she settled onto the old straw-filled mattress in the corner of the room, BB8 beeped again at her. She shook her head at the droid as she opened up the book, the springs beneath her squeaking in defiance as she sank into a more comfortable position.

“No BB8, I’m not concerned,” she said as she grabbed her pen from the windowsill beside her, briefly glancing under the ragged curtain on the window, scanning for Jawas. “The war is over now. And besides, I bet no one’s even noticed that I’m gone.” He beeped again, more defiantly than the last time. “We’ve only been gone for a couple weeks, I’ll head back soon, promise. If you want I can shine your hubcaps in the morning and grease your gears, how does that sound?”

That seemed to appease the droid as it happily chirped, and Rey watched it speed off toward the other end of the room as she turned the page of the book. Tongue between her teeth, she concentrated on the text as she penned in the translation below each word, painstakingly and mindfully. She’d gotten through almost an entire page that week, and she was on a roll.

Translating helped to pass the time, to get her mind off of things. It was a perfect distraction from the weight of grief, heavier than a hundred star destroyers. Just when she would start to feel lighter, she would feel guilty for not feeling sad. The nights were long as she cried herself to sleep, and she would imagine his voice soothing her, telling her that she’d be alright, not to waste time crying for him. So she would cheer up, delve into study, and the cycle would begin anew.

Even though she’d been alone her whole life, it was lonelier still being a single half of a dyad. She tried not to think about it too much, or the pain of it would push the air from her lungs and crush her completely.

She hesitated as she landed on a word from the text that she didn’t immediately recognize, concentrating as she tried to recall its meaning from the tip of her tongue, when BB8’s sudden beeping pulled her out of thought. She glanced curiously at the droid, wheeling about and beeping with an urgency to its frequency.

“A lifeform? Are you sure?”

She put the book face down to save the page and rifled through her bag to pull out her electrobinoculars, using her shirt to wipe off the dust that had gathered on the lenses. Gingerly she lifted up the window curtain with one hand and held the binocs in the other, scanning into the distance. She didn’t see anything, but BB8 beeped again, hushing his voice a bit. Rey turned to the droid, shaking her head.

“The south side? You tell me _now?”_

Scooting across the one room shack, she silently pressed herself against the wall beneath the south-facing window, boarded up with a piece of rusted scrap metal. She shifted it to the side just enough to see out with the binocs, a bead of sweat rolling down her face, and her eyes widened. Peaking out from behind a nearby dune was a small, nondescript passenger ship. Steadying her breath, she closed her eyes and reached out.

Her breath caught in her throat as she recognized the energy immediately. She could hardly blame them for coming after her, but she wasn’t ready yet. She just needed a little more time to heal, to let the scars on her heart stitch closed without them tearing open at the seams every time his name echoed in her mind.

She wedged the scrap back into place and nodded to the droid.

“Alright, BB8 - just like we planned.”

***

Finn steadied himself, taking a deep breath before knocking on the door. He’d never expected to be here at all, seeking out his friend who he had a feeling didn’t want to be found. He gently swivelled the rusty doorknob, but was met with resistance. It was locked.

“Rey? Rey, it’s me!” he shouted, banging his fist a bit harder against the plank that barely qualified for a door. He coughed as dust rattled from the wood, waving it off as it stung the corners of his eyes. There was no way Rey was living inside this decrepit shack, but all the evidence pointed to just that, especially with the Falcon being so close by. There were a few huts in the area, sure, but this one felt different. If someone had asked him why, he wouldn’t have been able to give them a straight answer - it was just a feeling.

“Whoever’s in there, I’m coming in!” he announced, trying to sound as polite as he could for someone about to break down a door. With a quick inhale to pump himself up, he hurled himself at the plank and tumbled down along with it onto the dusty ground, the wood having bowed completely under his weight.

Dusting himself off and eyes sharp, he quickly took in the living quarters. If he hadn’t still had the feeling, he would have assumed no one had lived there in years. But there was a kind of warmth to the air, an invisible trail imperceptible to the human eye alone. Blaster at the ready, he investigated the small space. A roughly-welded metal table, some rickety old armchairs covered in faded animal hide, a simple bed, a dusty woven rug near the door, and some empty jugs that might have once contained water but now only served as a home to quickly scattering insects. There were two windows, one of them covered up with a single sheet of metal, a thin crack of the setting suns peeking through against the sill that held it. No back door.

Maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe the feeling had just been in his head.

Looking toward the plank on the ground, he felt a tinge of guilt. He picked up the sorry excuse for a door with a grunt and set it against the wall. The old rusty hinges had bent off the door when he’d burst through the entrance, and Finn kicked at one of them with his shoe as it bounced off the dirt floor and into the sand beyond the archway.He hoped that someone wasn’t waiting to come home in the future only to find the door missing because of him. He clicked the button on his com and held it to his mouth.

“No sign of her, I’m gonna try the next one.”

He shook his head at the mess he’d made and walked back over the dusty old rug marking the entrance, when something beneath his foot creaked.

He paused, pressing down again, and it creaked once again under his weight.Curious, he kicked the edge of the rug up with the toe of his shoe, exposing a plank of sunbleached wood.

Kneeling down and tossing the rug aside, he exposed the creaky secret. It seemed to be a large trapdoor, and his eyes narrowed in a strange detail. The hinges on the edge weren’t rusted like the door. They were new.

And the feeling was still there.

He took a deep breath, steadying his hand as he raised his blaster, when a thought occurred to him - whoever was down in that hatch was probably terrified right now. Terrified of him.

Guilt washing over him, he sheathed his blaster as he looked down at the trapdoor, and took a step back.

“Listen, whoever’s down there, I’m sorry,” he called out, hoping that they could hear him through the wood, and feel the earnestness in his voice. “I had no right to burst into your home. I’m with the Resistance, I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m just a guy looking for my friend.”

He was met with silence, but the feeling persisted. He turned to the archway, the light of the sunsets fading to dusk.

“If you see a girl named Rey and an orange BB8 unit, tell them Finn is looking for them,” he said, his shoulders slouched as he walked out into the dunes.

He raised his comm up to his mouth as he looked back at the little hut without a door. “Hope you’re having better luck than I am.”

Finn kicked the sand in frustration as he looked to the horizon. The air was cool against his skin as he set his sights on the next closest hut, which seemed miles away. He didn’t have a plan for how the next one would go, but he figured it couldn’t go worse than the last one had.

Just as he accepted his sandy fate, a voice called out…

_“Wait!”_

He spun back around to the busted archway, where the trapdoor suddenly sprang open, and Finn’s spirits lifted sky high as a familiar waving arm shot out from beneath ground.

“Rey!” he smiled as he darted back inside to the open trapdoor, only to find his friend curled up around a happily chirping BB8 in an impossibly small space. He raised his eyebrows. “Tight squeeze, huh?”

“You have no idea,” Rey replied as she propped her feet up on the droid, motioning Finn over to grab BB8's head. Finn bent down and pulled as she pushed, and with a _pop_ the droid landed on the floor, skidding about as it welcomed its old friend with a flurry of beeps. Finn’s hand extended down to Rey and she gladly took it, emerging from the small space like a contortionist. Without another word, Finn pulled her into a desperately needed hug. Rey crumpled against him, her breath hitching in her throat.

“I’m so sorry I left, I just needed some time to be alone,” she whispered, her voice cracking under the weight of it all. Finn shook his head and pulled back.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize,” he assured her, a tear falling from her cheek onto his tunic. His hands squeezed her shoulders. “I’m just glad you’re okay, we’ve all been so worried.” Rey shook her head, her shoulders heaving.

“I know the war has been hard on everyone, I just…” she faltered as she sank into one of the chairs. “I needed some space to decompress, to grieve.” Finn nodded as he lowered himself onto the other seat.

“Believe me, I get it. Sometimes it just feels like too much to bear, and it might take a while before things start to feel, I don’t know, normal, I guess, but you’re not alone. I know Leia’s passing was really hard on Poe, too,” Finn shared. He caught Rey’s eye briefly, but then her gaze darted away again. “We lost a lot of good people.” She nodded, wicking the wetness from her eyes.

“I’ve been working on something while I’ve been out here,” she said, seeming eager to change the topic, and unclasped the saber hanging from her waist. She held it out to Finn, who eyed the weapon with trepidation. “Go on, take a look.”

He took the saber and held it like it was made of spun glass, turning it over slowly in his hands with great care as he took in the piece. He knew instinctively that she had built it, the saber feeling incredibly different than Luke’s. His fingers grazed the mechanism near the top, and with a nod from Rey, he spun it to reveal the dazzling yellow beam that burst from within, like a ray of sunlight itself.

“It’s beautiful,” he breathed, standing up and swivelling the blade, getting a feel for the weapon. It was a bit lighter than Luke’s, and somehow the saber felt like a piece of Rey. He switched it off and handed it back to her. “Wait, so does this mean you’re finished your training? Not that you weren’t a real Jedi before, I mean you definitely were, I just remember you saying…”

“No, you’re absolutely right,” she smiled as she took back the saber, giving it a spin before she slid it back into the holster at her waist. “I guess that is what it means. I don’t know if I’ll ever really be finished with my training, though. There’s still so much I want to learn.”

Finn nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat that he hadn’t noticed was there until now. His palms felt sweaty, and he hoped that hadn’t transferred any dampness to the hilt of her saber.

“Is everything alright?” she asked him, breaking him out of his thoughts. He grinned at her perceptiveness.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just… speaking of learning…” he trailed off, unsure where to start as he rose from the chair, hovering by the roughly welded table, leaning against the edge. He’d been waiting for the right moment, the _perfect_ _moment_ , for more than a year, waiting for just the right time to tell her everything, to ask her what he needed to know. He realized this could be the closest he’d ever get. He steadied himself, taking a deep breath before he started. “Remember back in the sinking fields on Pasaana, how I said there was something I needed to tell you?”

“Sure… ” It was now or never.

“I think, no, I know… I’m _like_ you, Rey. Not even close to as strong as you or as capable, and I’ve never studied anything, I mean everything I know is just from what I _know_ , you know? But…” he paused, his whole body shaking as he finally came out with it. “My whole life I’ve been having these, these _feelings,_ and I've been scared of what they meant for a long time, but you make me not want to be scared anymore. What I'm trying to say is... I'm Force-sensitive too, Rey.”

His friend’s face lit up like the sun as she practically jumped out of the chair to wrap Finn in a bear hug, or as close as she could come to it with her small frame. Tears welled in Finn's eyes as they held each other, relief swelling in him even more now than before. He'd been so nervous to tell her, but in hindsight, he didn't know why he'd been so scared. Telling her had felt like coming home.

"I had a feeling," she smiled as she let him go. He took another deep breath - he wasn't quite done yet.

"There's something else, something I have to ask of you," he said, clenching and unclenching his hands into tight fists.

"Anything, Finn," she assured him, and before he could mentally talk himself out if it, he dropped to one knee and bent his head.

"Rey, I want to be your student," he professed. "I want you to teach me in the ways of the Force."

He held his breath as he waited for her response, and slowly turned his gaze up to meet hers. She certainly seemed surprised to say the least, her brow furrowed, the support and sureness she’d held for him before quickly replaced with uncertainty.

“I’m flattered Finn, but I…. I have no idea how to teach," she stammered. "I've barely got the hang of things myself, and Luke and Leia studied for so long..."

"You're too modest, Rey," he said as he stood up again, feeling silly kneeling in front of his friend, despite who the rest of the world knew her to be. "I mean, you're a natural at pretty much everything you do. For crying out loud, you took down Palpatine! You're incredible," he said. She smiled sadly as he took her cold hands in his larger, warmer ones. "You'll be incredible at this too. And I'll be the best student, I'll train hard, I'll read all the texts, I'll meditate for a million hours, whatever I gotta do…” He held her gaze, doubt overtaking her face.

“Finn, I…”

“YOU HAVE SOME NERVE,” came a familiar voice suddenly ringing out over the dunes, and they both spun around toward the archway at the sight of a sun-reddened Poe Dameron trudging into the small space, dumping out the sand from his helmet onto the rug and pointing at the two of them. “Both of you!”

“Sorry buddy, guess I forgot to ping you,” Finn murmured, just as BB8 wheeled across the room at a fever pace, zooming around its master excitedly before nuzzling up to the General’s side. Finn shot a silent look to Rey - they’d have to finish their conversation later.

“Buddy!” Poe exclaimed as BB8 cooed affectionately, the man crouching down to the droid’s level and pressing his forehead against his top, before glaring back at Rey, “You can’t just run off with a man’s droid AND the Falcon without telling anybody!” Rey’s mouth dropped open as she tried to find the right words, sputtering as her hands landed on her hips.

“I _definitely_ told you I was taking them!”

“Oh yeah? When?”

“Right before we left,” she answered, her arms crossed. Poe shook his head.

“I thought you meant for a quick errand, not _two weeks!”_

“Well that’ll teach you not to assume next time!”

“Look, it doesn’t matter, everyone’s fine,” Finn interjected, stepping in between them, Poe collapsing into one of the chairs with a huff. “Rey just needed some space but she’s fine, and she’s sorry she took BB8 without telling you.” Rey nodded enthusiastically along with Finn. Poe rolled his eyes but finally softened.

“I’m glad you’re okay. We were worried about you, and my emotional support droid,” Poe said, shooting Rey a warm smile as he absentmindedly drummed his fingers atop BB8’s head, the droid absolutely soaking up the attention. “Well, I hope you’re packed up cause we gotta get going soon if we’re gonna stay on schedule."

“Schedule? What schedule?” Rey asked, looking between the two men. Poe shot a look to Finn.

“You didn’t tell her about the schedule?”

“I just got here! No I haven’t told her about the _schedule!”_

“Would one of you please tell me what schedule you’re talking about?” Rey interjected loudly. Poe huffed.

“Not that you would know,” he started, patting the last bit of sand out of his helmet before he looked to Rey, “but we’re getting ready for a big mission, one that _you’re on.”_

“Just promise to hear us out first,” Finn edged in before Rey could protest, the Jedi pursing her lips as she sank back into the unoccupied chair and crossed one leg over the over.

Poe dropped a small device onto the metal table between them and clicked a button on the top, and a large holo-map expanded above it, star charts swirling above their heads. The General zoomed in on several planets and star systems outlined in red.

“These are the planets and systems still under fringe First Order control. Either they haven’t gotten the message, or they’re defiantly maintaining their stronghold. Either way, these people need our help” he said, flipping the display to a list of Resistance allies. “Lando really helped us out in the support department, but it’s still not gonna be easy. It’ll require some delicate negotiation and diplomatic skills, none of which will be possible without our resident legend.”

It took Rey a moment to realize that both of her friends were looking at her. She blinked owlishly as she looked between Poe and Finn.

“Me? You’re talking about me?”

“You defeated the Sith, Rey, that’s pretty legendary in my books, and the books of most of the galaxy,” Finn pointed out. Poe leaned in, turning off the projection.

“You’re a beacon of hope to everyone in bondage to the First Order right now. We need you. _They_ need you.”

“Plus,” Finn added, “most of the planets on our radar have agreed to a peaceful transition of power, so your role will be mostly as a diplomat.”

“Leia…” Rey breathed, her head bowed as she sank back in the chair. “I’ll never be the diplomat she was.” Finn shook his head.

“You don’t have to be,” he said, her gaze lifting to meeting his. “Being you is enough.” She smiled at that, her eyes darting away as she mulled it over.

“What do you think, buddy? Should Rey come keep us company on the mission?” Poe asked the droid, his hand sliding off of BB8’s head as it excitedly rolled toward Rey, beeping in agreement and zooming around the table. Rey laughed as he saddled up to her side, beeping rapidly to remind her of the conversation they’d had just before Finn had shown up outside their door.

“I _did_ make you that promise, didn’t I,” Rey recalled with a smirk. “And I’m nothing if not a woman of my word.” She stood up, her hand resting on the hilt of her saber, just aching to be put to the test. “Alright, I’m in, BUT - only on three conditions.” The two men were all ears. “First off, I need a quiet place on the ship to meditate.”

“Easy, we’ll make sure you have your own private meditation room,” Poe responded.

“Second, I need a place to train, with enough space to practice saber forms and work with a sparring droid.”

“No problem, I’ll have some adjustments made to the Falcon so the furniture can stow into the floor.”

“And lastly,” she said, looking to Finn with a smile, “I need a good student to teach.”

“Wait, you'll do it? Is that a yes?” The ex-stormtrooper’s heart was suddenly in his throat, the excitement bottling up inside of him like a rocket. She nodded, and without another word he lifted her off the ground and spun her around as he cheered and hollered for the world to hear. _He was going to be a Jedi!_ And his best friend was going to be his teacher, the _best_ teacher!

“I’m gonna make you so proud, Rey, you won’t regret this,” he beamed as he set her down, the Jedi laughing as she squeezed his shoulders.

“Whoa, whoa, what’s this?” Poe asked, looking between his friends in bewilderment. “You weren’t gonna tell me this goofball was Force-sensitive? Where was that on the battlefield?!” he jested, and suddenly he looked to Finn in realization. “That _thing_ you wanted to tell Rey…” The two of them nodded. “Well I’ll be damned.”

*******

A week whizzed by in the blink of an eye. The loading dock on Ajan Kloss smelled of engine fuel and foliage, a perfect storm of organized chaos. Rey couldn’t believe how many ships were able to fit on the newly outfitted runway, packed to the brim with at least three times as many ships and Resistance members as there had been a year prior when they’d first arrived on the jungle moon.

“You must be so excited,” Rose Tico grinned as she and Rey walked up the ramp of the Falcon, each of them wheeling on stacked crates of supplies for the journey. “I know Finn is.”

“Nervous, mostly,” Rey replied as she parked the crates and slung a heavy bag off her shoulder. “I just hope I’m half as good a teacher as Luke and Leia were to me.”

“Didn’t you tell me they passed on their name to you?” Rose asked as she parked her crates, the two of them continuing down the corridor towards the ship’s lounge area. Rey nodded. “If you’re worthy of the most legendary name in the Galaxy, you’re definitely good enough to teach that numbskull.” She tilted her head toward Finn sat on the circular couch, in the middle of heated game of holochess with Chewy and pounding his chest in victory. Rey laughed.

“We’ll see about that,” she said as Chewy wrestled Finn into a headlock, and Rey waved to Finn as she passed him, mouthing _good luck_ as her apprentice tried to free himself from the Wookie’s fuzzy iron grip.

“There you are,” came Poe’s voice as he slowed from a jog up the ramp and caught his breath. “I’ve been looking for you. Figured I’d show you your private meditation room before we take off.”

“Go ahead, I’ll catch you later,” Rose said, turning back toward Finn who was practically turning blue. “I think I’m gonna go save your student before Chewy kills him.” 

Rey laughed as Rose took off, following Poe as he led her down a corridor of the ship that she hadn’t explored much. As far as she remembered, the only place this hallway led to was the captain’s quarters, but that was where Chewy slept. It was the only bed big enough on the ship to fit his massive frame, not to mention that he owned the Falcon more than any of the rest of them did.

“Welcome to _Meditation Station_ ,” Poe said as the doors opened, and Rey shook her head in disbelief. It _was_ the captain’s quarters, but the room looked completely transformed. Fresh linens marked the bed, a pile of bright, plush meditation cushions were stacked in the corner, and a circular carpet covered in ancient Jedi symbols laid on the ground. Even the lighting was different, the harshness she remembered from before replaced with something softer and dimmer, much more conducive to gentle focus. “All your books from the temple are in the pull-out compartments over there, and we made sure to include any supplies you might need for strengthening you and Finn’s training. Candles, robes, crystals, all that junk.”

“This is too kind, Poe,” Rey said as she inspected the drawers. They’d even alphabetized the books. “But where is Chewy going to sleep?”

“Don’t know if you noticed on your way in but I had them expand the guest bed above the couches to be Wookie-sized,” he said proudly. “Chewy was actually the one who suggested all this.”

“It’s wonderful, but it’s more than I deserve…”

“It’s exactly what you deserve,” Poe cut her off. “And you don’t have to sleep here if you don’t want to, there’s an extra bunk in the crew’s quarters if you’d prefer to camp out with the rest of us. You can think of this more like a multi-purpose meditative crash-pad.”

Rey sank down on the huge bed, taking it all in. Poe smiled as he leaned against the wall.

“Thank you,” she said, hoping the words conveyed the swelling feeling in her heart. He nodded to her in response, lowering his head as he let out a sigh, his hand retreating into his curly hair.

“And listen, Finn might have mentioned to me that you were having a hard time with, ya know… grieving. I may act like Mister Macho around everybody, but Leia’s death hit me pretty hard too.” Rey held the silence for him, her mind circling the drain of guilt once again. “If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here for you.” Rey nodded, trying to keep her eyes from glazing over with tears. She could tell he was trying to do the same. “Anyway, I gotta finalize a couple items with Connix before we take off. Once we’re airborne lemme know if you need anything, okay? I mean it, anything.”

“I will, thanks, Poe,” she said, and without another word the doors whooshed closed as he left her alone with her thoughts.

Rey’s hand glided along the fresh sheets, pristine aside from the wet spot left by a fallen teardrop. Her fingers balled up at the wet fabric, clutching the linen in her fist. Such kindness had been shown to her, and so much excitement awaited her and her new pupil, but there were moments where it felt like none of that mattered. Like a sheet of ice over a frozen lake, she appeared strong and uncrackable to most, but she knew she was only a degree away from shattering apart and plunging into the murky, icy depths of despair.

It wasn’t the memory of her former master that threatened to crack through Rey’s icy shell, but that of her fallen son.

In the official Resistance documentation of the events of the Battle of Exegol, it stated that Rey had defeated emperor Palpatine with the assistance of Ben Solo, formerly known as the First Order Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren, who defected to the Light Side in a moment of heroism. It had been an unpopular decision to make it public that Ben had fought alongside the last Jedi, but Rey had insisted upon honouring Ben’s, and Leia’s, memories. Ren had already been labelled a traitor by the First Order by the time the battle of Exegol had begun, but Rey argued that his name still held enough importance to embarrass and undermine the First Order’s remaining authority - if Ben Solo could be turned, their Dark Side propaganda would take a major hit.

There were certain events and details that had died with Ben that day, including the existence of their dyad bond, and the kiss they shared. The knowledge of their force-bond conversations had died with Luke and Leia, and Rey had never divulged the details of their conversations leading up to their alliance on Exegol. It felt too private, too polarizing to share, at least not yet. She knew most people wouldn’t spare as much empathy for Ben as she would have if he’d still been alive. After everything he’d done, to Han, to the Resistance, the part he played in the destruction of the Hosnian System and countless innocents who’d died by his hand. She didn’t know how she could ever explain the strange relationship they’d had, the connection they shared, without sounding crazy or under his influence.

She wished she could explain it all to them, and maybe one day she would. She wondered if anyone would be able to understand what it felt like to feel your equal in the Force disappear from beneath you like a fleeting shadow, to be a starved half of a whole left in a world that would sooner burn Ben’s name from the books than celebrate the person he could have become.

She could still recall the warmth of his lips against hers, the eye of the storm in the midst of a hurricane. The pull of his fingers on the strands of hair at the nape of her neck, the softness of his eyes. The voice in her head that echoed from the depths of her soul, _I’ll always be with you._

But he wasn’t. She squeezed her eyes shut as tears blurred her vision. None of this was fair, not after how far he’d come, the potential of what they could have built together in a world that was too cruel and unforgiving. Their paths had twisted together only to be pulled apart too soon, and now she was left to pick up the pieces, to rebuild, alone.

 **“But you’re not alone.”** ****

Her eyes snapped open at the sound, clear as crystal as it echoed through her mind. She hadn’t noticed the absence of the world’s rumbling until now, the way the hum of the Falcon’s engine had dulled and disappeared, how the hairs on the back of her neck stood straight up and her blood seemed to run cold. Trembling, she looked up, and there he was, smiling down at her.

Her breath stuck in her throat as she realized he was right.

_“Ben!”_

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who made it to the end, THANK YOU for holding on through the exposition and set up, im about to smack ya with the Reylo feels in the next chapter 💕💕 This is my first Star Wars fic and it's definitely a bit intimidating, but I'm excited to bring my silly headcannons to life and take these characters on a journey of healing and self discovery.
> 
> Up next: Ben and Rey have a much needed reunion 💕🥰
> 
> UPDATE:
> 
> * FYI this fic is on hiatus *


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